Numbers Poet Pillows

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

The Life of Pi

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Today we learned to count to one.

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gloat

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Staff Yearbook

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

Warning: Math Ahead!