Numbers Buff T-Shirts

"Now is the part of the show when we ask the audience to shout out some random numbers."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

'Once I got the cold fusion problem out of the way, the rest was easy!'

Early Bird Gets the Worm/Night Owl Does the Worm

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'It was great seeing you again Terry, we must do wildebeest sometime.'

'Look at those arms! I was born to ride a Harley Davidson!'

'It's the Secretary-General of the United Nations -- are you here?'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

'I'm collecting goat poop for my strawberries.' 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'CANNONBALL!!' - Whale tours.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'Are we there yet?'

Graph to find your IQ

'Hey - It says here, we're related!'

Mr Jefferson Brick Proposes a Toast at the 'Rowdy Journal' Offices

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

"Oh Goodie, more snow."

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

"Consider yourself chased."

Natural selection.

International Monetary Conference in Paris- Silver Currency an Unsound Footing

tiger strangling snakes

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"Right, I'd better go...corpses on't pick themselves clean y'know!"

''Relativity,' you say? — Well, it can't be any worse than your 'speed bump' theory.'