Number Juggler Pillows

'But the only way I can explain our derivatives and stock swaps is through interpretive dance!'

'The numbers aren't working.'

Wealth Juggler.

'Now, using a little accounting magic on your tax return, one and one equals three.'

Remember, Art, statistics, credits and debits are in the eye of the manipulator.

"Play around with these figures, Harry. I've given you the total I want them to add up to."

Have you got the accounts right yet? Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.

Let's hope they don't notice we've moved the decimal point to the right.

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

When fuzzy math's happens to sharp accountants

'Good, you have the exact qualifications for the accountant job.'

Dept of statistics: 'vital...nonessential'.

'Jack has two apples and three apples. That adds up to six.'

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'I appreciate your desire to keep the 'human element' in math, but that won't work.'

"Judging from your creative tax return, old dogs can learn new tricks."

'The numbers should look better this quarter since they've been photoshopped.'

Math Department Janitor

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'I found a way to make our fourth quarter look better. We'll lie about it.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Mrs Yokum, I'll have a full report on your portfolio's slide as soon as I can think of a fancier word for 'zilch'.'

"The last thing I would do is gamble away your hard earned money."

Football

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"I managed to find a healthy work-life balance, but now there's a problem with my bank balance."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

Acclaimed mother.

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

A woman watches football on her computer.

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'

Overworked