Number Crunching Critic Gifts

"Math is not my strong suit. That said, I would suggest investing 30% in stocks, 40% in bonds and 40% in previous metals."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'Damn! McGee's good!'

"I can count to 20...Without taking off my shoes."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"And these projections are based solidly on hope, crossed fingers, and fear."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

Pork Bellies.

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'Honey, the long-run is here!'

Tax Cuts Water the Economy.

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

"I wonder if management will believe my project?"

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

'Money, money, money, that's the only three things you ever think about.'

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'In, out, fiddling.'

Bertrand Russell