Number Collector Pillows

School boy collecting prison numbers

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Nuts to you, too."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Try his land line.'

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'How old is this vase?'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1,273,426 steps."

"Your aunt wants to know what we're doing these days, so I'm sending her a picture of our fridge."

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

Blaise Pascal

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Bell invents the telephone.

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'To you, fifty quid - c'mon guv, it's HANDMADE!'