November 5th Gifts

"You spoil that canary."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"This place has the best happy hour."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

'Are we broke yet?'

Peter

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

30 Days Has Movember

"This is off our first TikTok."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

Professional woman in pub

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

'Cool! Where'd you learn the new step?'

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

Having installed a hydraulically operated wall in their 25-year-old's bedroom...

Balloon tattoos

"My first video sucked. But I figure I've got 8 more chances."

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"I found the perfect job! You don't do any work, stay at home, make funny videos, and you get full salary and benefits!!"

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'