Novelty Book Collector T-Shirts

The first ever novel written entirely in emoticons.

Crash Testing for Dummies

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Clown on bike.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Recalculating route..."

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

'...then Johannes Gutenberg built the first bookcase'

Hay Rides $10

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

Kanya West Inspired Children Books.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Fossil record player.

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'A is for Arse.'

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"Roadkill cookies"

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

'Once upon a time there was a really lousy editor name Sue. Sue was lazy and stupid, so she was fired, and her boss lived happily ever after. The end.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Redlaw and the Phantom

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"I have an app for that."

Lavatory Waterfall

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

'This thing better hold. I don't know about you, but I don't find plan B very reassuring.'