Novel Nibbler Gifts

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have the conference room booked for the next hour."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

My boat

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupuncture needles should go?"

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Foodie Bank

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

"Just one more..."

Nurse sharpening a needle before an injection.

"See, I told you it would hurt me as much as it would hurt you."

Acupuncture Treatment Room. My acupuncturist used placebos on me today.

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

'Second childhood menu, please!'