Nutritious Nibbler Gifts

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

My boat

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

"We grind our own catnip."

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

Supermarket Aisles.

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Foodie Bank

Man eating 'after work mints'

"Man, I love roughing it out here... but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

'If I collapse there's a cherry danish in my lunchbox.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'