Introspective Nibbler Gifts

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

Me when by BDD shows up

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

"Did you ever have that baby you wanted so much?"

Your own tedious thoughts next 200 miles

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Foodie Bank

"I think therefore I am on antidepressants."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Denial Exit Now: Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance Next 4 Exits.

Sabbatical Diary: Day Six - I notice my surroundings.

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

"We've changed 'Happy Hour' to 'An Interlude for Reflection'."

Man eating 'after work mints'

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

'My conscience isn't bothering me. Should that bother me?'

If you give a mouse a French cookie

Book Burp

'I used to be ambitious, but I find it easier to feel guilty about lack of ambition.'

"I miss indoor dining"