Notice Board Reader T-Shirts

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

New music conference

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

Musical Bicycle.

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

At the Goldilocks Music Store albums are labeled: 'Too Many Notes,' 'Too Few Notes,' 'Too loud,' 'Too Soft,' and 'Just Right.'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

Musician's Fishing Trip

'That's nothing new. Thatcher had a similar plan, but she called hers; 'Every man for himself'.'