Note Scribbler T-Shirts

"Careful - it's full of lies."

Musical Prodigy

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

When Cells Divide

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

'Tax.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

Solve for x x r 2.

Will Self deprecation

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

"I'm beginning to think that coming up with a password that's never been used may be an unsolvable problem."

Modern Nursery Rhymes

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Writer’s Corner

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

Screenwriters, Inc. Send this revised script to Rupert Murdoch! Right! I'll fax the fix to Fox!

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."