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"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

When Cells Divide

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

'Tax.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Hans Holbein

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

Will Self deprecation

Solve for x x r 2.

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"I'm beginning to think that coming up with a password that's never been used may be an unsolvable problem."

Musical Prodigy

How to create a brilliant cartoon

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Screenwriters, Inc. Send this revised script to Rupert Murdoch! Right! I'll fax the fix to Fox!

Writer’s Corner

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

Astrophysics made simple.