Nostril Navigator Pillows

Manopause: The time when a man has more hair growing out of his nose and ears than he does his head.

'Not only do you need to quit smoking, but you need to quit doing it like THAT!' a guy is drawing off of cigarrette through his nostril.

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

Pull and all nighter...

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

Number Phobia.

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

Sleepwalking Golfer

'Ok, so you smelled gas and then you ... wait a minute! You're a family of opossums?'

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

Niche Marketing

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

How to save mankind...

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."