Nostril Navigator Gifts

Manopause: The time when a man has more hair growing out of his nose and ears than he does his head.

'Not only do you need to quit smoking, but you need to quit doing it like THAT!' a guy is drawing off of cigarrette through his nostril.

The Life of Pi

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Pull and all nighter...

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

Things that go beep in the night.

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"Flowers are the sex organs of the gods."

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

Number Phobia.

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

'Ok, so you smelled gas and then you ... wait a minute! You're a family of opossums?'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

Sleepwalking Golfer

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

Niche Marketing

How to save mankind...

"Keep your shirt on. I'll read your book as soon as I'm done reading the monster his book."

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."