Nostalgic Numeral Nerds Gifts

Calculator Jokes

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

The Life of Pi

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Staff Yearbook

Og invents the first 'X' box. . . and inadvertently invents the first i pad.

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"Mommy, look! Tablets from olden days!"

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

Warning: Math Ahead!

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"Mine's bigger than yours."

1. 0. 5. 6. He'd be nothing without her. (Published originally on June 11, 2008.)

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.