Nostalgic Naysayer Gifts

'Your generation is soft. I my day we had only three cable movie channels, one ESPN and it was all crappy analog!!'

"I come to these get-togethers to see who's coming apart."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

Kindergarten. Today; Simon Says. I don't know who this "Simon Says" is, but he could make a killing in product endorsements!

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

"I've learned from the past. Now can we move on?"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Remember the good old days when the research department consisted of some studious types with a stack of annual reports?'

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"I enjoy books a lot more now that I can consistently color inside the lines."

'I still love those classic solos from the 70s - but who has the time?'

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

Eddie longed for the days when kids played at recess instead of waiting for YouTube moments.

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

"This is the coldest winter I can remember."

When he was 16, Ed's dad gave him his choice between a car and a computer. Now he sits, busted down, far from the edge of the info superhighway!

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

'To me a re-run is only something I've already seen this morning.'

"I worry about today's kids, all they want to do is sit in the cave and stare at the fire."

Go Back to New York

Golden Oldies: "Hey! Remember this great chart from the nineties?"

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

'In today's electronics world, printed books have become historical and museum pieces.'

"I miss Nixon."