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"He turned on, dropped out and never came back, it's 50 years since woodstock and he still thinks that's a mirror."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Cocktails on the verandah.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Honey! Where are my lucky Incredible Hulk board meeting socks?!?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

"10th Anniversary Woodstock Reunion'

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

Before the Internet