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In my day, we had to walk five miles uphill in the snow for high speed Internet access.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

The Missing Sock Returns

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"Honey! Where are my lucky Incredible Hulk board meeting socks?!?"

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"10th Anniversary Woodstock Reunion'

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Before the Internet

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

"Desmond likes to live in the moment. . . and that moment happens to be 1960."

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Hipsters"

Elvis Presley