Nose Contemplation Expert T-Shirts

Why People With Long Noses Shouldn't Smoke.

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Showoff"

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

Professional woman in pub

"1971... 2015..."

He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up.

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'Mountain guru avoids getting killed by falling boulder.'

"Reduce my ears? No, I want to make my nose bigger!"

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

Computer with moon screensaver

Plastic Surgeon Kid

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"As a single diner, you will be seated at an awkward table by the restrooms where your lonely presence won't bother other diners."

Plastic surgeon's here.

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

We only go around once

Pinocchio finally takes the plunge.

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"I do want to be healthy but not so healthy that I miss out on my unhealthy eating habits."

Miracle gro bird seed.

'Oog has a nose for trees with fermented fruit.'

'You know there were 7,184 waves yesterday. That's just slightly more than usual. I think that's one of my favorite things about island life, there's always a surprise round the corner. What's your favorite thing, Ed?'

"Oops."

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

"Whay do they think about all day?"

I've had allergies all my life. How about you, Randy? Never, little buddy. HOJ. A speck of pollen once tried to enter my left nostril but was swiftly humbled by my natural defenses. I come from a long line of Randies who were gifted with nose hairs that have the tensile strength of iron and the stopping-power of barbed wire. Word quickly spread from pollen to pollen, and now they never even dare. If Obamacare covers nose-hair transplants, would you be willing ... ?

Death is just a side-effect of living.

'I live in quiet desperation - it was either that or Tunbridge Wells.'