Nonprofit Admirer Pillows

'Much as I appreciate the ethos of non-profit-making companies, I didn't intend us to become one...'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

If nobody had invented graphics

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Red hot little combo

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"So, next week, if it's okay with our wives, wanna have another playdate?"

'Then, for some reason, sales dropped right off.'

Seals on Wheels

"When I'm grown up I don't want to poop on small cars in little cow towns. I want to poop on the limousines of the rich and famous on the Champs Elysees."

Book Shop.

"He's too ambitious, going for a black belt."

A businessman watches as a girl walks past carrying a balloon with his face on it.

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

"Most people think I'm rich beyond the dreams of avarice. But I dream big."

Sherlock Holmes gets back at Professor Moriarty through reduced research funding.

'The shows will look the same, but the commercials appear in 3-D high definition.'

Ted Kennedy.

"Play the old Winston jingle."

"She didn't know what she was saying, Mr Kalish. Please believe me."

Validate your parking?

Barack Obama.

Mobster R&D

It's all about the PR baby!

Michelle Obama

Two stalls at the village fete: Kisses £5.00 and Latest gossip £2.50

JOIN THE ARMY!, 'I'm tempted -- I just LOVE their earth tones!'

'Where do I see myself in five years? -- Right here, I hope.'

Just chillin...

"Awww....that's really sweet of you, considering you're the kind of cat who wouldn't normally give a rats arse!"