Non Sequitur Humor Pillows

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Look! No hands!"

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Apricots

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"I'll have dessert first."

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I download music from a radio station in South Korea, and I got Seoul music.'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'I think my back is baroque!'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Yeah, I'm a Roadrunner, but it is easier on my feet and joints if I run on the grass..."

Scientific Research: '...The motto of science is to expect the unexpected...now be quiet. I'm trying to work.'

Congratulations on winning the Inland Revenue Fiction Award.

Watch out for number one.

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'