Non Sequitur Humor Pillows

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Look! No hands!"

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"This city is becoming unlivable."

Apricots

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

"I'll have dessert first."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'How now, brown cow?'

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Mister Oedipus.

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I download music from a radio station in South Korea, and I got Seoul music.'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

'I think my back is baroque!'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Yeah, I'm a Roadrunner, but it is easier on my feet and joints if I run on the grass..."

Scientific Research: '...The motto of science is to expect the unexpected...now be quiet. I'm trying to work.'

Watch out for number one.

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