Noisy Partygoer Pillows

'It's your little son complaining about the babysitter's noisy party!'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Beach con-man.

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"I am so attracted to you right now."

The devil you know and his plus one

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Masquerade

Carioca

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

Redhead

'One more hangover like this and I'm going to have to claim for sickness during holiday absence.'

'Having algorithm and having rhythm are 2 different things.'

Cheers

Leo McKern

Christmas sweater alternatives

Guy dressed as an ostrich at a fancy dress party. Lump in birds throat like a real bird.

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

Space hopper as a bouncer of a nightclub

"...and what do you think will happen if you do attend the party?

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

"Aperitif?"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"My compliments to the sommelier."

The Friday Night Olive Races Down at the Tribeca Martini Bar

'At that moment, across a crowded room, their thighs met.'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

Down on Bourbon Street...

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

'I'm not very good at mingling.'