Noise-tolerant Urbanite Gifts

'Our new neighbor an urban farmer.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Mr Metrosexual.

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"What's wrong, girl? Trouble? Rachel can't decide which private school to attend?" "Upper West Side Lassie"

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

Election Cancelling Headphones

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"I'm getting bitten, and it's not by tall bond traders with accents."

Conan the Barbarian's brother- Charles the Civilized.

'I think you got the drummer - Now try for the trumpet player!'

'An inconvenient truth meets an all-too convenient one.

"Maybe what's good for Wall Street isn't good for Main Street, but it's great for Tribeca."

Ecology

'For the next sixty seconds, this station will make an annoying 'BEEEEP' sound....'

"Pleased to meet you neighbour! I'm the first wave of gentrification."

'I know I never play it. I only borrow it from next door to stop him playing the damn thing!'

"Hold on, I'm not a Hatfield or a McCoy—I'm from Brooklyn."

"Everybody seems to be in such a hurry these days!"

Urban therapy.

"Have you decided what household object you're hiding under this July 4th?"

'I'm mixing drinks. Would you like a womanhattan with me?'

Planet of the Slightly Irritating Squeaky Things.

"I look forward to coming here for great tasting coffee. Every morning. . . but you are talking so loud I can't even smell it!"

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

WARNING! The city is a cold heartless place.

A businessman pushes Cinderella aside and takes the carriage.