Noise Battler Gifts

Shopper uses mushrooms as earmuffs around cell phone talker.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

Music for car stereos

Leaf-Blowers: Loudly making yardwork someone else's problem since the 1960s.

Car with enormous speakers, "I said, I love the speakers!"

"It's always so loud during yappy hour."

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

fish in a bottle...

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

Election Cancelling Headphones

'Normally, I enjoy a morning when the birds are singing.'

'I think you got the drummer - Now try for the trumpet player!'

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Listen! Hear that? Nothing is beeping!"

'It must be nice having a job where you can work at home.'

'I worry that Henderson's becoming too well entrenched.'

You are what you collect.

Has Your Cat Always Had Such a Loud Purr...?

A sleeping couple

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

'So we meet again on the fields of battle.'

'I know I never play it. I only borrow it from next door to stop him playing the damn thing!'

"I'm sorry-this is literally my first rodeo."

"God...I hate elevator music."

Toy soldiers - War on drugs, War on binge drinking, Combat obesity, etc.

"We have way too much micro-managing around here."

"Don't worry. . . they will find us. . . we're still in the backyard. . . I just didn't cut the grass. . ."

"It's that sense of dread again, about the state of my inbox."

Open Top Car Stereo volume control, 'irritate', 'annoy', 'enrage'

'Not while I am the librarian.'

"I'm having a problem with the Ultra-Super Max Plumber's Helper you sold me yesterday."