Noir Detective Fan Gifts

"The job was no picnic. The nights were cold and the kid was restless. All I could do was dream that one day I'd spend my nights watching the waves in Cabo."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

hard-boiled egg...

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

The Philip Marlow family

"We need rain."

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Elusive Shadow.

"He did it!"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

A spy

Gangster's To-Do List

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Crime Writer's Society.

Uneasy Rider

'That isn't true Mrs. Jones, I can find my ass with both hands. And if you want me to prove it, it'll be $150.00 a day, plus expenses.'

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

Agatha Christie

"I have a few questions, Miss Haspel, about your fitness to serve as the director of the C.I.A."

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

"Now, see here, I've been wronged! Some no-good do-nothing rat pack got me sick, and I gotta know who!"

"The butler did it!"

Holmes and Watson: Solutions Solutions

Jim and Betty Noir could turn a simple trip to the post office into gripping melodrama.

"Damn it, Flopsy, you've cost me another bust."

"Yes, he is a pet detective, and he's here on business."

Dashiell Hammett

"Gee—it's just like in the movies!"

Joke Shop.

'The least you can say is thank you for checking the tides.'