Noir Fan Gifts

'Dat was jus' a warnin', Detective Jones. Get off da Bozo case!'

Gangster's To-Do List

'Looks like the fool stole more chain than he could swim the river with.'

Mickey Spillane in the alley.

hard-boiled egg...

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

Football Chameleon

Another Turning Point in the Industrial Revolution. Ford Motor Co. On second thought, let's put the cars on the conveyor belt.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

The Philip Marlow family

"There appears to be a flaw in our cloaking technology."

"We need rain."

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Elusive Shadow.

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

The cat's pyjamas - cat camouflage.

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'That isn't true Mrs. Jones, I can find my ass with both hands. And if you want me to prove it, it'll be $150.00 a day, plus expenses.'

Noir kitty.

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

"Now, see here, I've been wronged! Some no-good do-nothing rat pack got me sick, and I gotta know who!"

Jim and Betty Noir could turn a simple trip to the post office into gripping melodrama.

"Damn it, Flopsy, you've cost me another bust."

Dashiell Hammett

Cactus turns out to be a hedgehog.

'The least you can say is thank you for checking the tides.'

The shadow

"Gee—it's just like in the movies!"

"I'm in the air force!"