Noble Gas Appreciator T-Shirts

'With just a soupçon of argon.'

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Surreal ale

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

"Oh, oh - it's getting into organic."

The Royal Wii.

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

"I keep thinking I'm a noble gas."

'I suggest you move onto halves...'

"'Just a drive and a putt' you said. This is going to have to be one hell of a putt, Fred!"

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

"My wife wants a perfume that'll make her irresistable. What have you got that smells like bourbon and cigars?"

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

Monk growing flowers which look like his tonsure.

"Joey ripped me off. Last week I showed him this ad for a 1964 Chevy Impala...and he went out and bought it."

Perpetual Motion.

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Deadpan Delivery.

"Your cousin Hernando is such a handful! He's been walking ever since he was ten months old!"

"You definately have a musical ear"

'Be gentle with me it's my first time!'

A ship's captain stranded on an iceberg with a hungry polar bear.

"It's the price we pay for living an alternative lifestyle."

'I'm worried Tom has a drinking problem.'

Standing ovation $5.

"So...you have a boyfriend?"

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Whoopty doo. Tap tap tap tap tap. You'll be happy to know you are no longer the last of your kind, Sadie. Astronomers have discovered another supermassive black hole that expels nearly as much hot air as you do. You're now listed under "oppressive objects that burp out galactic gas." I will exact revenge at a time and place of my choosing.

"If this beer had a head it would hang it in shame."

Bertrand Russell.

"His parents were pretty open-minded, romantically speaking."

'This is my original eighties designer stubble.'

"I think we retire too many numbers."

"....but it doesn't half get in the way on the bike."

"Well, that was a waste of Monet..."