Noble Adventurer Pillows

'I think we got bad directions, my liege.'

'Well it's a ransom, sire, but I wouldn't call it a King's Ransom...'

"Good game."

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

Shoot For The Moon

"Show off."

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

Parachuting bishop.

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"You've reached the consciousness-raising call center. For the meaning of life, press 1. For the secret to happiness, press 2. For the joke of the day, press 3."

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"The meaning of life! Have you tried Googling it?"

Sammi and her 'partner' decide to have their child baptized at a Suuuuper-inclusive church

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out