News Fiend Pillows

Election 2020

Vlad Simpson

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Emergency Hipster Beard

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Corporate Greed.

All-Purpose Obamatoon

Nervous World Markets.

Pickle

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"This is not good at all!"

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'

'That damn racial scandal.'

"D'you have any porn porn?"

The game comes first...

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

We can't hear you! We can't see you! We can't hear you!

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

RAISED BY PHONES

Mitch McConnell

What?

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

Things That Were Going to Save Journalism

"Is it an important text?"

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"President Gorbachev had his hands full again today."

"Papers late again, Murphy?"

Self made dictator Putin

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.