Newborn Stage Pillows

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A mother and baby elephant

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Twenty-first century baby walker

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

The No No No's