New Yorker Cartoon Fan Gifts

"Of course, I want your keys, too, Papi. How the hell else am I supposed to get back to Old Saybrook?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Braiding a Horse's Tail

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Do you do much walking?"

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Santa's Helpers

"Dad, Dad, cage divers! Get the hacksaw and let's scare the heck out of them!"

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"You finished with your peanuts?"

Zoo warden attempting to impress woman visitor

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'