New Yorker Cartoon Fan Pillows

"Of course, I want your keys, too, Papi. How the hell else am I supposed to get back to Old Saybrook?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Braiding a Horse's Tail

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

Social Distancing Club

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Do you do much walking?"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

Basically, you should think outside the box, but don't color outside the lines!

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'It's one of the candidates for baptism. Wants to know if he can hold the hand that shook Elvis's hand above the water.'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Santa's Helpers

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

"Dad, Dad, cage divers! Get the hacksaw and let's scare the heck out of them!"

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"Word has it Earthlings have been using some of our people for cruel scientific experiments."

Zoo warden attempting to impress woman visitor

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"You finished with your peanuts?"

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'