New Year's Cleaning Resolution Gifts

"The baskets help me tidy up."

Let's get organized

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Biofelineism

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

Yoga for beginners,

A push in the right direction: 50c.

Tortoise polishing his shell

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

January Joiner

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

This year I thought I'd give up something different so I've given up writing Haiku poetry.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"Look at me - I can do this!"

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

"I just dusted off all our books. Apparently, we haven't read a book offline in a long time."

Man Walking Towards His Goal.

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

'For your aerobic exercise today, give me five 'Sweet Georgia Browns', a couple of 'Hot Times in the Old Town Tonight', and hit the showers.'

"Marge, did you leave something soaking in the sink again?"

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."