New Year's Cleaning Resolution Gifts

"The baskets help me tidy up."

Let's get organized

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Biofelineism

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

Yoga for beginners,

A push in the right direction: 50c.

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

January Joiner

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Tortoise polishing his shell

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

This year I thought I'd give up something different so I've given up writing Haiku poetry.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

Man Walking Towards His Goal.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"I just dusted off all our books. Apparently, we haven't read a book offline in a long time."

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

"Look at me - I can do this!"

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

"Marge, did you leave something soaking in the sink again?"

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

'For your aerobic exercise today, give me five 'Sweet Georgia Browns', a couple of 'Hot Times in the Old Town Tonight', and hit the showers.'

Preparing for Dating Opportunities in 2020

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'