New Sibling On The Way Gifts

"If I'm going to have a baby brother, can I help design him?"

At the Museum

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Boy and Bear and Monster

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Child driving a toy car

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Better luck next time, kid."

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

Family working together

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

The Charge of the Kids

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I think you meant to huff 'n' puff at the next house over.

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

Maternity ward: 'Oh boy - stereo!'

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

Fade to black...