New School Gifts

'I do not permit bullying or name calling in class. I will reprimand any student that calls your child a dummy.'

The new boy was teased for being different.

Wake up, Twig! There's a new girl on the bus. Who? Finally! Someone from my own gene pool. Congrats, Miss Tully. So?...Who is this new bossy, opinionated loudmouth? Different pool.

"God, if you can help me find a seat by my friends, I'll listen to my teachers, do my homework and clean my room..."

Children's education

"There's a new kid in my class! He's from Peru and he has an accent!"

'He's an army brat.'

'That's Karl with a 'K' -- My parents named me after a radio station.'

Boys in the cloakroom.

'Me, I'm home-schooled: Getting to and from school was taking too much of my time...'

"I can't believe it! -- My Mom spent $45 on this hairdo, and they still didn't put me in the gifted class!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Computer Room.

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

I will study my speling words...

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'