New School Gifts

'I do not permit bullying or name calling in class. I will reprimand any student that calls your child a dummy.'

The new boy was teased for being different.

"God, if you can help me find a seat by my friends, I'll listen to my teachers, do my homework and clean my room..."

Children's education

"There's a new kid in my class! He's from Peru and he has an accent!"

'He's an army brat.'

'That's Karl with a 'K' -- My parents named me after a radio station.'

Boys in the cloakroom.

'Me, I'm home-schooled: Getting to and from school was taking too much of my time...'

"I can't believe it! -- My Mom spent $45 on this hairdo, and they still didn't put me in the gifted class!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Computer Room.

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

I will study my speling words...

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"