New Resolutions Pillows

"Robert has resolved to be more tolerant. He's starting off slowly with lactose."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Mediation Process

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

The Janopause

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"...For new year, I'm going to stop watching so much sport..."

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

'I made up my mind to spend less time on line, and I was doing real well 'til they brought the computer back from the shop.'

"OK...I've worked all week on my self-confidence. So asking Smiley to the movies should be easy! C'mon Baldo, you can do it! Just concentrate...and it'll happen!"

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."

2010 Calendar.

"I'm starting my diet today."

"A little bit less television, a little bit more books on tape. What's your New Year's resolution?

"If I were you, I'd put a new hairstyle way way down your list of New Year's Resolutions."

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

Underneath an overweight.

I made a resolution to have a more positive attitude, but god knows how long that's gonna last...

'To show I'm serious about giving up smoking for new year, I'm going to sign this pledge.'