Peaceful Resolutions Pillows

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

She required plenty of personal space.

Mediation Process

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

Men Working Things Out

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'It's a silent protest.'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

"What would happen if you put down your weapon and tried to work things out peacefully?"

"At last - no Trump."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

Nervous Buddha

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"