New Position In Airport Security Pillows

Airport traffic

UK border controls relaxed.

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

The World's Easiest Airport

The World Wide Web.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

A Little Extra

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

Rubbish Carousel

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

"It's marzipan pigs."

Airport Toilet Hand Drying Machine

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"They said whatever you left in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas."

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

'Welcome to America'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'