New Pet Arrival Pillows

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

'We sleep 18 hours a day, eat whenever we want and the rest is all free time. So what's the big difference up here?'

'How am I going to tell him he's no longer my best friend?'

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Actually, make that a double cream."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Pick me!"

"Foster failure"

"Cat box"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

'That was fun!'

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Dog Dreams

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Cat Nip.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

A man and his dog

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Foster failure

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"

He won't sit, but he heels well.

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"