Got A New Pet Pillows

How ironic. Since you had me neutered, you're my best friend

"It makes me want to pee."

"I will never forgive my owners for calling me fifi."

"You've got athletes foot."

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Pick me!"

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Foster failure"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Cat box"

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

'That was fun!'

Nothing beats the love of a good cat.

Dog Dreams

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

Cat Nip.

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

He won't sit, but he heels well.

Foster failure

"Man's best friends."

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'