New Home Gifts

Creation of Red Wine

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."

"You're not going to put that there, are you?"

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Fine, we'll get an air conditioner.'

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

'Love your renovations.'

"...it's difficult to assemble - we'll let the customers do it."

Man with self-assembly wardrobe and lots of random pieces: 'Funny how there always seems to be a few bits left over.'

Hammer Drill

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

Ig-glue.

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

"Remember when all we had was lots of little pillows?"

"It's only until spring."

'Where are the kids?'

'I told you nylon carpets were a mistake.'

'Hey - nice place!'

"It's not just the same old crap—it's wider."

Please excuse him, he's intent.

"Laundry or composting?"

'Shocking, the overcrowding in our prisons.'

Dance of the Inconsistent Water Temperature

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'Now that we've adjusted to the dampness, we just love this house.'

Ancient Greek interior design. "It's a bit Spartan."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'No, not disappointed - I think I just hadn't realised the meaning of the term kitchen island.'

'Is there any way of keeping the light one when you're inside?'

Lady of the Cake.

'How are you doing on your side?'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."