New Date Mugs

"You've been really interesting ever since we got through your origin story."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Carbon Dating.

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Stand-up Romcom

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Steve McQueen

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

This side is the gag reel.

Jimmy Cagney.

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

Filming Christmas

Next camera crew 5 mins

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

Now Playing at the Europlex

"Well, what are you doing after the millennium?"

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Which part are you reading for?"

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'