New Age Dining Enthusiast Pillows

'Hey, this is our first date. Can you take a picture of me and my food so I can post it?'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Advanced footsie

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.