New Age Dining Enthusiast Pillows

'Hey, this is our first date. Can you take a picture of me and my food so I can post it?'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Advanced footsie

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'