Modern Dining Enthusiast Pillows

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Who gets the decaf?'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'