Networking Newbies Gifts

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...

Good Luck!

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

And elevator with 'up', 'down', and 'pitches' buttons

"He's at that awkward age...he knows just enough about computers to really screw them up."

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

Primordial Schmooze

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

'So, summing up: we 'like' you and you 'like' us.'

"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

'look at my new business cards! The old ones weren't big enough for all my information.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

Media Darling.

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

'Ah, Mr. Collins? We are friends on Facebook, but I can't remember why.'

"He's networking again!"

"Jessica tells me you have a Twitter following in the six figures."

Computer books for dummies.

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

Bubbie Selfies

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"You'll soon get the hang of the simple Linex 3968X with 4936.." Norman began to think he might be better suited to a career in double glazing."

"Never ask Dad about technology. He thinks a semiconductor is someone who leads the Boston Pops for half a year."

"I'll recommend your book if you recommend mine."

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

After two years on zooms, Arthur was having trouble coping with face to face networking again. . .

'I have no new Facebook friend requests today. See that I do before lunchtime.'

"Yes! I'm THE Britney Spears... I was named 'Britney Spears' first so that makes me THE the."

"Get names!"