Netflix Addict Pillows

"Hello Cleveland! I have to say, never thought I'd have a Netflix special seeing as Gerbils only live about 3 to 4 years!"

It's a dark and stormy night. Maybe I'll knock off early and rent a movie.

Showbiz Awards

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Television Readers.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Stephen Fry

Big screen TV falling through floor

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

Well, I finished my summer reading list – now what?

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Can't Touch This

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Starvation Watching

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

The cradle of mankind

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.