Nessie Admirer T-Shirts

'Honestly, if you're looking in Loch Ness you're way off!'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

Tourists and their Pets.

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

Bryan Ferry

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Tom Hanks

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Loch Ness Beer Monster

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

The Dandy

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

Hollywood producer.

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

'Don't worry it's organic...'

Michael Caine

"Beats me. They put up the sign and went to their panic room."

TV stage door

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.