Neoclassical Art Admirer T-Shirts

'Between you and me, Jacques-Louis David, I can't even draw a straight line.'

"Mr. Right!"

"Why don't you find a museum!"

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

'Evidently, one of them was a cartoonist!'

Picasso: The Early Years

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Cats at private view

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Did Melina Mercouri ever get those marbles back to Greece?"

Mimi's final scene

"What did Jesus order?"

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Tragedy, Comedy & Selfie.

Joe Biden

Trilby - 'The sweet melodic phrase.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

Phoenix

Kultural K9's.

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

Et in Arcadia Ego

'Must be the lesser known Easter Egg Island.'

When cartoonists drink too much coffee.

Shell Fire

Diego Velasquez

"Feel better, dear?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

The Thinker?

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

"Move, Gary."