Neighborhood Pioneer Gifts

The stages of gentrification: a guide

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Tommy!"

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"Brooklyn is the Manhattan of the other boroughs."

Sugar Fix.

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Harold - We gotta come up with tag names and go over it - That's how we reclaim our block."

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

"Pal, you're a guitar lesson flyer in a math tutor part of town."

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

'Happy Town' See the smiley face?

"Hi. Can Billy play some football?"

'It's a great, safe neighbourhood: The owner of the house is allergic to cats...'

The Burbs

It was a nice neighborhood untill the A-holes moved in.

We love the diversity of the neighborhood.

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

Location, Location, Location - Next 3 exits.

It's great, but you never want to buy the best house in the neighborhood. For sale.

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'I'd like to keep it a boys only club too, but this is HER tree house!'

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

Town follows the snow plough.

"We're moving to someplace called Ur. It's an entirely new concept in group living."

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

How very Balham!